Wishful thinking in February

So today is the first day of the worst month...February...thank god its only 28 days long. I have never in my life ever wanted to change the day of my birth so much...is there a way I could I go back in time and chose to be born on any other day but the day RIGHT BEFORE Valentines Day or in this case S.A.D.?...wishful thinking...Maybe this February won't completely suck...I mean there are my friends who are trying to cheer me up about this dreadful month, and give me hope that it won't completely suck, even though the one person who I want the most to be there won't. I am not going to complete hate the next 28 days just the second weekend of this pathetic month and maybe if I force myself to smile through it I might enjoy it. After all, they've know about Big Bear since early December and I still have the room reserved, pathetic I know, that I actually think people will cancel their "hanging out with the guys road trip lets get some girls and party it up" plans to be with me. Like a child I hope- against all logic, against all experience. I never give up hope that they'll chose to be with me on this one weekend and not let other people and their plans get in the way... maybe it's just wishful thinking... can I just skip the hurt that I know I am going to feel when they chose the guys trip? Let's face it. It's more exciting to go with the guys than spend this one meaningful birthday weekend with me. Maybe it's just meaningful and important to me and not to them. I am not going to beg and plead, I am going to let them chose what's more important to them. A weekend spent with the guys or with me. Even though I know the answer, I am still going to have hope that they will see past a guys weekend and see that this is something that is important to me. Birthdays in snow come once a year- road trips come anytime...PLEASE chose a warm fire inside a cabin and snowball fights over an endless car ride...PLEASE!!!???...okay so I lied, maybe a little begging. Besides, how else are they suppose to know this is something that is important to me without saying a word? They are guys!, girls and road trips come first, warm fires and snowballs come second.